A flexible, intention-based alternative to New Year’s resolutions that actually supports change
Every January, we’re told to reinvent ourselves.
New goals. New habits. New versions of who we should be by this time next year.
And yet, research consistently shows that most traditional New Year’s resolutions generally don’t last beyond the first few weeks of the year (Norcross, Mrykalo, & Blagys, 2002).
Not because people lack willpower. More because the framework itself is often too rigid, too outcome-obsessed, and too disconnected from how humans actually tend to change.
What if setting intentions for the new year didn’t require a total overhaul of your life?
What if it could be simpler, steadier, and more meaningful?
Enter The 3 Words Method. It’s a flexible, intuitive approach to goal setting that blends clarity, reflection, and forward motion without pressure or perfectionism.
Instead of chasing a long list of resolutions, you choose three words to guide your decisions, energy, and priorities throughout the year.
Not as rules. Not as promises. But as anchors.
This method may be especially powerful for people who want growth without burnout, structure without rigidity, and intention without spiritual bypassing.
Let’s take a look at how it works. and how you may make it practical, personal, and sustainable.
A quick note: This is just one way to approach intention-setting, not a fixed system or universal formula.
What You’ll Learn in This Post:
- Why traditional New Year’s resolutions often fail, and what may work better instead
- What the 3 Words Method is and how it supports meaningful, sustainable change
- How to choose three guiding words that reflect your values, energy, and real life
- Practical ways to turn your words into daily actions (without pressure or perfectionism)
- How to use your three words as decision-making anchors throughout the year
- Why intention-based frameworks may feel more grounding and motivating than rigid goals
Why Traditional New Year’s Resolutions Often Fall Apart
Before we talk about what works, it helps to understand why so many goal-setting systems often fail.
Many resolutions are:
- Outcome-focused, not process-oriented
- Externally motivated (shoulds, expectations, comparisons)
- Overly specific without emotional grounding
- Disconnected from identity and values
Psychological research shows that goals rooted in intrinsic motivation (those aligned with personal values and meaning) are more likely to stick than goals driven by pressure, guilt, or social expectation (Ryan & Deci, 2000).
In other words, when goals feel like obligations, we often may resist them. When they feel like expressions of who we are becoming, we tend to engage.
The 3 Words Method may work because it:
- Emphasizes direction over perfection
- Helps support identity-based change
- Allows for flexibility as life organically shifts
- Encourages reflection instead of self-judgment
Rather than asking, “What should I achieve?” It asks, “How do I want to move through this year?”
What Is the 3 Words Method?
At its core, the 3 Words Method is super simple (and very practical): You choose three words to guide your year.
These words act as:
- Touchstones for decision-making
- Emotional and energetic themes
- Filters for priorities and commitments
They aren’t goals in the traditional sense. They don’t require checklists or timelines. Instead, they help to create a context in which goals naturally form.
Think of them as a compass, not a map. Make sense? For example, you might choose:
- Steady · Nourish · Build
- Clarity · Integrity · Ease
- Grounded · Curious · Brave
- Rest · Reclaim · Refine
Your words can relate to:
- How you want to feel
- How you want to show up
- How you want to care for your energy
- How you want to approach growth
They may work because they’re broad enough to adapt, but specific enough to matter.
Why Three Words (Not One. And Not Ten)?
There’s a reason this method uses three words.
Cognitive research suggests that humans can comfortably hold and recall small sets of information (often around three to four meaningful items) without cognitive overload (Miller, 1956; Cowan, 2001).
One word can feel too vague. Ten words can become noise.
Three words help to create:
- Balance (mind, body, spirit…or effort, rest, direction)
- Contrast (growth paired with care, expansion balanced by grounding)
- Memory (easy to recall under stress or decision fatigue)
Each word can serve a different function:
- One may be supportive
- One may be aspirational
- One may be protective
Together, they form a living framework you can return to again and again.
Intention vs. Resolution: A Crucial Difference
It’s important to name the difference between intentions and resolutions.
Resolutions tend to sound like:
- “I will stop…”
- “I must…”
- “I should finally…”
They’re often rooted in fixing or forcing.
Intentions, on the other hand:
- Set direction without demanding outcomes
- Allow for learning, adjustment, and rest
- Emphasize relationship to the process
Research in behavioral science shows that intention-based approaches help support greater emotional regulation and persistence more than rigid outcome goals, particularly when paired with self-reflection (Gollwitzer & Sheeran, 2006).
The 3 Words Method lives firmly in the intention camp.
It doesn’t ask you to become someone else. It asks you to move more consciously as who you already are.
How to Choose Your Three Words (A Practical Process)
This isn’t about picking words that sound pretty or aspirational on social media.
It’s about choosing words that feel true. And usable.
Step 1: Reflect on the Year You’re Leaving
Before looking forward, take a few minutes to look back. Ask yourself:
- What felt most draining this year?
- What felt unexpectedly nourishing?
- Where did I push too hard?
- Where did I avoid what mattered?
Research shows that reflective practices help to increase self-awareness and may improve future goal alignment (Baumeister & Vohs, 2007).
You’re not judging the past year. You’re harvesting information from it.
Step 2: Notice What’s Asking for Attention Now
Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?” try:
- “What feels missing?”
- “What feels overextended?”
- “What do I need more of to feel steady?”
Often, your words arise from needs, not ambitions.
For example:
- If you’ve been exhausted → Rest
- If you’ve felt scattered → Focus
- If you’ve been stuck → Motion
- If you’ve overgiven → Boundaries
These aren’t weaknesses. They’re insights.
Step 3: Choose Words You Can Practice Daily
Strong word should:
- Be emotionally resonant
- Be flexible across situations
- Suggest action without demanding perfection
Instead of:
- “Success” → try Build or Sustain
- “Happiness” → try Ease or Content
- “Discipline” → try Steady or Devoted
If you can imagine using the word in a sentence like “Does this support my intention to ___?” you’re probably on the right track.
Turning Words Into Action (Without Turning Them Into Pressure)
One of the most powerful aspects of the 3 Words Method is that it bridges reflection and action without collapsing into rigidity.
Here’s how to work with your words practically.
Use Them as Decision Filters
When faced with a choice, ask:
- Does this align with my words?
- Does this drain or support them?
- Is this moving me toward or away from the way I want to live this year?
This helps to build what psychologists call self-concordant behavior. That means actions that are aligned with internal values, rather than external pressure (Sheldon & Elliot, 1999).
Pair Each Word With a Gentle Practice
Not a rule. Not a demand. Just a touchstone.
Example:
- Nourish → Eat one meal a day without multitasking
- Clarity → Weekly brain dump or planning ritual
- Build → 20 minutes a day toward a long-term project
Small, repeatable actions compound over time far more effectively than dramatic overhauls.
Let the Words Evolve (Without Abandoning Them)
Your words aren’t contracts. Think of them as companions.
Some months, one word may take the lead. Others may recede into the background. That’s totally fine, and healthy even.
Flexibility may help support sustainability.
Examples of 3 Words Sets (And How They Might Look in Real Life)
Here are a few sample combinations, with practical applications.
Steady · Nourish · Build
- Steady: Consistent routines, fewer extremes
- Nourish: Healthy food, good water, rest, relationships that replenish (and don’t drain)
- Build: Slow progress toward something meaningful
Clarity · Integrity · Ease
- Clarity: Fewer commitments, clearer priorities
- Integrity: Acting in alignment with values
- Ease: Letting go of unnecessary friction
Grounded · Curious · Brave
- Grounded: Nervous system regulation, embodiment
- Curious: Learning without pressure
- Brave: Gentle risks, honest conversations
The power isn’t in copying someone else’s words (though if some of the above feel really good to you, take them!). It’s in noticing how yours change the way you move through ordinary days.
Why This Method May Work for Spiritual (and Practical) People Alike
The 3 Words Method may be especially appealing to people who:
- Want spiritual meaning without escapism
- Prefer embodied practices over lofty ideals
- Are tired of hustle culture disguised as self-improvement
It aligns with contemplative traditions that emphasize right relationship, attention, and intentional living. Without requiring belief systems, dogma, or magical thinking.
In psychological terms, working like this may help support:
- Self-regulation
- Identity coherence
- Sustainable motivation
In human terms, it may simply help you live with greater care.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even simple frameworks can get tangled. A few gentle cautions:
- Choosing words you think you should want
- Using words as self-criticism (“I chose focus because I’m bad at it”)
- Treating the words like pass/fail criteria
If your words feel heavy, shaming, or stressful, they need adjustment.
The right words should feel grounding, not constricting.
A Simple Ritual to Begin the Year With Your Three Words
You don’t need candles, fancy journals, or elaborate ceremonies. But you can make this moment intentional.
Try this:
- Write your three words on a single page.
- Beneath each, write one sentence beginning with: “This year, I allow myself to…”
- Place the page somewhere visible for the first week of the year.
That’s it.
No pressure. No promises. Just orientation.
A Year That Grows With You
The future doesn’t need to be conquered.
It often just needs to be met…with clarity, care, and presence.
The 3 Words Method doesn’t tell you who to become. It helps you notice who you already are, and move forward with intention.
And that’s often where the most meaningful change begins.
References
Baumeister, R. F., & Vohs, K. D. (2007). Self-regulation, ego depletion, and motivation. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 1(1), 115–128.
Cowan, N. (2001). The magical number 4 in short-term memory. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 24(1), 87–185.
Gollwitzer, P. M., & Sheeran, P. (2006). Implementation intentions and goal achievement. Psychological Bulletin, 132(1), 87–109.
Miller, G. A. (1956). The magical number seven, plus or minus two. Psychological Review, 63(2), 81–97.
Norcross, J. C., Mrykalo, M. S., & Blagys, M. D. (2002). Auld lang syne: Success predictors of New Year’s resolvers. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 58(4), 397–405.
Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 25(1), 54–67.
Sheldon, K. M., & Elliot, A. J. (1999). Goal striving, need satisfaction, and longitudinal well-being. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 76(3), 482–497.
Disclaimer
This article is intended for educational and inspirational purposes only. It does not constitute medical, psychological, financial, or therapeutic advice, and it doesn’t guarantee any specific outcomes. Readers are encouraged to consult qualified professionals regarding individual circumstances or health- or mental-health related concerns.
